I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
