Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
