SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
