Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
