At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
