We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
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I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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