He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
