someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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