my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
love makes seman taste better
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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