At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
