I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
