she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize