The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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