I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
