he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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