Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
