He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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