did you get engaged???
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
