My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
