She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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