I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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