Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
