His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
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He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The power of my boobs compel you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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