she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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