This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and she was petting her beer can
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
