somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
pray to the hookup gods
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
