Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
