That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
