Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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