Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize