I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
