im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
