Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
