happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
