I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
