If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
