Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
