I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He did a backflip because drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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