Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
