Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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