So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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