Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
