Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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