drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
