I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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