I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
