Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Damn victory sex feels great
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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