I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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