literally had 100 drinks last night.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
