Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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