They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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