watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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