My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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