why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
