If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
