im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
