I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
