The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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