Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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