Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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