After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
