im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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