CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
