Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
