I think i peed on brittanys purse
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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