if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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