how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
