Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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