TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
